The Sports Doc Chalk Talk

An ugly parent baseball-brawl happened earlier this week, resulting in several adult parents getting into fisticuffs over a kids Little League game.  Unfortunately, adult fights at youth sporting events are no longer headline news these days, as it has been over ten years now since arguably the most alarming and devastating story took place – the hockey dad fight.

On July 5, 2000, Thomas Junta and Michael Costin engaged in a tussle that eventually left Costin dead, and sent Junta off to prison for 10 years.  At the time the story made the national news, as people were left horrified that a man had lost his life over a youth hockey argument.  Indeed, this was a very sad watershed moment for youth sports.

Unfortunately, this was not the first or last time adults engaged in physical violence while attending youth sporting events, and we continue to witness stories similar to the Colorado incident seemingly on a regular basis (AHPS).  Fortunately, not all adult disputes at games result in physical fights, but even the verbal tirades take away from the overall positive experience youth sports should be for kids.

Fighting has become normal

Whether we like it or not, stories of angry parents lashing out at youth games has become somewhat of a commonplace these days.  Similar to how school shootings were at the height of media attention during the Columbine massacre, fights at youth sports used to command great media attention but today barely make the front page.  We have become used to the fact that fights happen at games – and that guns are sometimes found in schools – and become desensitized to both (even if we don’t like it).

Think about it for a moment – how many times have you seen that “idiot parent” on the sidelines?  How many times have you personally witnessed a verbal barrage on the sidelines that you felt was going to lead to some kind of violence?  How many times have you actually witnessed some kind of physical altercation??

If you have been involved in youth sports for awhile I have no doubt you have seen more than you ever bargained for or expected.

Why parents act out

Of course there is no one single reason why some parents decide to verbally/physically assault another adult while attending youth sports, but there are several inter-related factors that contribute to the problems we are seeing.

• “In-the-moment” emotions.  Where else do you go from 0-100 on the emotion meter than at a youth sports event?  Even the calmest of parents quickly get excited (for better or for worse) when plays develop on the field.  The point is that people rarely stay calm, collected, and logical when watching sports, and emotions can go overboard sometimes – especially when the child plays poorly and/or another adult taunts, embarrasses, or belittles the child in front of the parent.  The result is often an exchange of words, which can lead to an escalation of physical violence.

• The time, money, and energy parents put into their child’s sports training.  Think about how many families today have invested thousands of dollars and enormous amounts of energy toward their child’s athletic experience.  With so much going into youth sports, it’s actually quite easy to see why some parents seemingly “lose it” when they witness their child fall far short of their expectations in games.  When emotions get out of control, parents are most at-risk for acting out of character (see the first point above).

• Leagues still lagging behind.  While it may surprise you to learn this, most youth/interscholastic sports leagues today still do not offer nor require any kind of formal sports training.  In some cases the decision to not require training boils down to money, in other cases it’s time, and in other situations its philosophical.  One program that has been designed to help leagues quickly attain the minimum level of life skills/contemporary issues in sports training is Sport Success 360.

• Parent violence is not addressed.  Most coaches have pre-season meetings with parents, yet many still do not overtly discuss the potential problems that exist when parents do not hold themselves accountable at games.  This “elephant in the room” must be identified and discussed if we really want to curtail violence seen at youth spots events.

For more information on how you can help your sports league check out Sport Success 360!

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If you are a sports parent, coach, or any other person helping kids successfully participate in youth sports, you have probably witnessed firsthand the many fears kids can quickly develop from playing sports (Sport Success 360).  The sports fears kids usually struggle with are experienced both physically (i.e. the experience of being tackled hard) and emotionally (i.e. the embarrassment of striking out).  Sports fear can also develop in kids through vicarious learning, (by watching other kids get hurt from being tackled or laughed at after striking out).  In order for kids to overcome their sport fears, they need to improve their mental toughness by learning more about why sports fears develop.

It’s actually quite natural for young athletes to develop some level of sports anxiety and fear, which is really not much different than the fears we experience as adults – even if it’s not on the playing field.  While adults may not be afraid of getting tackled at the office, we do often stress over fears around failure.  The reason I remind us of this point is so that we don’t misinterpret the fears we see in the eyes of our young athletes, as they are certainly not “wimps” for occasionally struggling with confidence development when faced with their biggest sport stressors.

One approach I like to use when talking to youth-level athletes about sports fears and phobias (more prolonged and intense fears) is to help them understand that the fear they experience is usually not as much physical as it is emotional. While serious injuries can happen in sports (and occasionally do), youth sport equipment today is the best it’s ever been, and rules are regularly being improved to protect kids from serious injuries in sports.  Getting knocked down might hurt for a moment, but that pales in comparison to the days, weeks, and months of anxiety usually associated with awaiting the moment of the first knock-down!

When kids begin to normalize the risk associated with physical injury and pain, they can then begin to focus on their emotional, or irrational, fears.  It is important at this point to help kids understand that their perceptions are often at the root of their fear, and that by looking at sport situations as challenges rather than threats they can quickly develop the confidence needed for sport success.  While striking out might feel embarrassing, there is nothing to be worried about as it applies to physical safety.  Furthermore, we all fail in life, and yes, many of us have even struck out before, too.

After establishing an understanding that emotional fear is different than physical fear, half the battle is won.  From this point, it is important to normalize stress, adversity, and failure in life – and how it is important to develop coping skills to prepare for the next time any one of these things happens in the future.  This is called stress inoculation, and in theory works in the same way as a flu shot.

Developing coping skills allows kids to take the biggest step in maximizing their athletic potential — the ability to turn the failure into a teachable moment and learn from the experience.

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As we prepare for the summer sports season, now is a great time to reflect back on your child’s athletic accomplishments from the past year, as well as look ahead and begin to develop new and exciting goals for this summer (Sport Success 360).

• The start of a new summer is a great time for re-evaluating athletic progress, gauging your child’s current interest in sports, and developing new goals for the upcoming year.  Try to make time to sit down with your child, staying open-minded, and ask open-ended questions about how he or she feels (i.e. “Looking back at last year in soccer, tell me about how you think it went”).  When your child responds, try your best to provide a positive, supportive environment – regardless of his or her responses.

• If your child responds to your inquiries in a less-than-enthusiastic manner, that may be a sign that your child may not be as interested in that particular sport as he or she once was.  This is good information to know as a parent, but it may not mean that you need to immediately pull your child from that sport (although it is information to note).  Instead, try to gauge if this is a temporary feeling your child has where a small break may be all that is needed, or if this is more of a chronic situation where your child would truly like to spend his or her time doing something else.  Processing this decision out of season is highly recommended as emotions are typically not as high, offering you and your family more objective decision making abilities.

• If, on the other hand, your child does show positive emotion when talking about his or her year in sports, try to spend as much time as you can listening to her and share in this excitement.  Again, use open-ended questions when discussing future goals and what your child needs to focus on for improved athletic success.  As she talks, you might want to jot a few notes so that you will have something to work from when developing goals for the summer.

• Speaking of goals, helping your child understand the importance of goals can be a vitally important component to success – in sports and life.  Work together with your child and try to develop specific, measurable goals that will challenge him to continue to work hard and improve.  Goals that are too vague (i.e. “play your best”), not measurable (i.e. “get strong”) or hardly challenging (“just go out for the team”) will probably limit your child’s growth; however, each of these goals can be easily tweaked for dramatically different results (for example, working to lower a golf score average can be more easily accomplished by starting with a desired score to be achieved by a certain date, developing a weekly schedule of set practices, and balancing that schedule so that it is challenging, but not overly-demanding).

• Try to look for new, exciting opportunities for your child that you may have overlooked or chosen against in the past.  Perhaps this is the year you allow your child to attend a sports camp, travel out of the area with his or her team, or even play on an elite team.  It is relatively easy to contact your local sports league, school, recreation center, or the internet for different opportunities to discuss and process with your family.

• Finally, keep in mind the things your child enjoyed doing this year may not be the same things he or she wants to do next year.  Child development is often quite rapid with plenty of peaks and valleys, and their personal identity can change, sometimes seemingly overnight.  The focus on identity development is very normal for young people, so be sure to allow room for growth and change rather than fight against it.  By supporting your child and accepting him or her regardless of their changing interests you can be confident more times than not good decisions will be made.

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Sport Success 360 is sports leadership training course designed to help youth sport leagues quickly and conveniently prepare youth coaches for the common psychosocial issues, trends, and problems commonly seen in youth sports today.  Packed with state-of-the art learning modules that help coaches not only understand specific issues in youth sports, but also helps by allowing coaches to see how parents and student athletes might deal with the same situation from their unique perspective.When leagues sign up to use Sport Success 360, coaches will gain professioanl advice, insights,a nd tips that can be immediatley put into action on and off the feld.  Some of the topics Sport Success 360 covers includes:

• Youth sport burnout
• Playing time
• Controlling emotions
• Performance supplements
• Hazing
• Handling cuts
• Playing your best
• Sport specialization
• Travel leagues
• Plus much more!!!

In addition to the course, coaches will also receive a FREE pdf copy of Sport Success 360 and Sport Success 360 PLUS audio file!  Move your youth sports league ahead by learning more about how you can get started today!

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Youth sports teams excel through great team leadership and role modeling, and that almost always starts with the coach (Sports Success 360). In best-case scenarios, good coaches create an optimal sporting environment where young athletes play safely, have fun, and develop both on the field athletically as well as off the field through character development learned through sports.

Unfortunately, coaches who blow off the significance and importance of positive coaching can negatively impact the overall sport experience for kids, often leading to a lack of fun for kids, increased likelihood for injuries, and possibly even premature quitting from sports altogether.

Since youth coaches at the little league and pop warner levels are almost always volunteers, it is important to examine if taking on the responsibility of being a coach is a good fit before signing up to lead a team. Quite a bit goes into coaching – even at the youth level – so ask yourself the following questions and see how you stack up:

1. Are you invested in coaching for the right reasons? If you are dedicated to helping kids grow and develop through sports by teaching them life skills, maintaining healthy training methods, and instructing them on how to develop athletic skills, then you are probably well on your way to becoming a good coach! If, on the other hand, your main focus is winning championships, you might want to look at other, more advanced coaching opportunities instead of youth sports.

2. Does your schedule allow for the time commitment required from coaching? Youth sports can be a time-consuming experience when you factor in meetings, practices, and games, so check your schedule ahead of time before committing to coach to make sure you can fulfill your responsibilities to the team.

3. Are you motivated to take on the challenge of being a coach? While it would be nice to simply “show up” and play, sports teams require quite a bit of effort form the coach. More specifically, coaches have to evaluate talent, inspire and motivate kids to compete, help kids deal with adversity, and of course, deal with parents.

4. Can you make the experience fun for kids? Above and beyond all else, the number one reason why kids play sports is to have fun! As a coach, it is your responsibility to ensure the sport environment you create for the kids you coach is a fun and exciting place, and that you work hard to ensure that your team environment isn’t too “business-like.”

5. Do you communicate well, and can you handle criticism? When coaching kids you will soon learn that they don’t always communicate the same way as adults, making it difficult sometimes to truly know what’s bothering them. Good coaches find ways to develop unique relationships with their kids, which allows for trusting, meaningful conversations to take place. Coaches should also be prepared for parents who “Monday morning quarterback” and second guess the coaches decisions in games. If you have a short-fuse and are not willing to take criticism, coaching might not be the best place for you to spend your time.

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If you are a parent with children involved in youth sports it is important that you stay proactive in the experience if you hope for your child to get the most out of sports (Sport Success 360).  Unfortunately, in cases where kids have less than positive outcomes in youth sports, it is often due to the disconnect and lack of positive role modeling between parent and coach.  For example, if a parent expects that all kids on the team will play equally, but the coach has a philosophy that only the best kids will play, it’s likely the parent will feel discriminated against when seeing other kids get more playing time than their child.

As a parent, there are many things you can do to help minimize the chances of your child having a bad experience in sports, including increasing your efforts to better understand the coach and his/her philosophy toward coaching.  The following 5 questions are designed to help you in this pursuit, and can minimize some of the ambiguities that often exist between coach and parent:

1. Ask the coach about the competitive nature of the team/league. Before signing your child up for a team, be sure you fully understand whether it is an “elite” team/premier league, or recreational.  This may sound like common sense, but even today we still have many parents who assume all youth sports leagues are the same — they are clearly not!

2. Ask the coach about how playing time is determined. In elite and competitive leagues playing time is almost always dependent on talent, whereas in recreational leagues it is more common to see the “everyone plays equally” model in effect.

3. Ask the coach about any related time/money costs that might not be immediately known during sign-ups. For example, if your child will travel for competition, ask the coach what type of costs are typically involved?  In recreational leagues traveling costs may not apply, but there may be time obligations to consider — like the annual cleanup the field day.

4. Ask the coach about the consequences of time conflicts and potential missed games/practices. Of course, while the goal is to responsibly attend all practices and games, there are often times where parents get stuck at work, or face a conflict between their kids and their schedules.  It is for these reasons that you talk to the coach early and see what is expected from you when these things occur.

5.  Ask the coach if he/she needs help. Being a volunteer coach can be an unbelievable task, and most coaches as a result are pretty open-minded when others offer to help in some small way.  Perhaps you can help by keeping the books, compiling statistics, or assisting with fund raisers —  or maybe you have a technical background and can offer to create a team webpage or blog.  There are many different and important ways parents can help coaches, so be sure to see if your child’s coach could use a hand.

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It’s hard to believe it’s been 10 years since I spoke to Liz Cho at ABC World News about The Parents Playbook, as well as the contemporary issues and trends commonly experienced in youth sports.  Ironically, other than the fact that I use to have hair, many of the same issues I talked about during this interview pertaining to sports transitions, youth sport burnout, role modeling, boys and girls sports are still around today.

You can pick up your digital download of The Parents Playbook here!

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If you are a parent with several kids involved in youth sports, then you already know how challenging it can be when it comes to positive role modeling and equally dividing your attention amongst the various games that your kids play (The Parents Playbook).  For kids, much of their sport adherence, growth, and development comes as a direct result of your active participation and encouragement, making it very important that you dedicate as much time as you can to attending your child’s games.  Obviously with multiple kids involved in girls and boys sports, this can be very challenging to do.

When kids see their parents in the stands or on the sidelines, they often beam with pride, often prompting them to try even harder to please you.  As a result, it behooves parents to make it a priority to attend as many games as possible, even when it’s not always the most convenient thing to do.  Remember, kids are quickly shaped by the efforts put forth by their parents — therefore, if you want your child to dedicate him- or herself to sports, then it is important that you develop skills that allow you to maxmize your attendance at as many of your kids games as possible.For a more complete overview on how to balance various kids athletic schedules, as well specific tips you can use to help, please check out this article I previously wrote for Columbus Parent magazine. www.drstankovich.com

Mental toughness in sports can be the difference between one athlete over-achieving and another performing far below his potential (Mind of Steel).  Fortunately, there are a number of mental performance enhancement skills that can be learned an quickly mastered, allowing determined athletes to gain a significant advantage against their opponents.   In a previous column I wrote for Columbus Parent magazine, I discuss a number of different cognitive and behavioral techniques that can be used by athletes to improve their performance in all levels and types of sports, including varsity sports, pop warner, AAU, and little league.

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This clip is from an interview I did as part of a program on youth sports (Parents Video series).  The reporter was interested in the reasons why parents sometimes get caught up in youth sports to the point where they go overboard, leading to a negative sport experience for their child.  If your child is involved in girls sports, boys sports, little league, Pop Warner, varsity sports, or any other organized sports, be sure to tune in!

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