The Sports Doc Chalk Talk

Sports officials sometimes take a lot of heat for missing calls, and rarely get the appreciation they deserve for when they hustle and call a great game.  On this video I delve deeper into what you should expect from amateur sports officials, as well as remind you that these folks are “human” and will occasionally miss calls.  This summer be sure to show your appreciation to the officials that referee your child’s sports games!

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Check out The Parents Playbook, designed to help ALL sports parents maximize the youth sport experience!

I believe the time is now that we make concerted efforts to better educate and prepare families for their child’s eventual sport retirement.  With sports being as big as they are in this country, its a shame that so many athletes are still left to themselves to figure out who they are, what their talents are beyond sports, and what future paths exist for them when in the midst of the sport retirement transition.  Fortunately, most athletes do not fall into the worst-case scenarios of suicide (as with the recent passing of Junior Seau), but literally millions of athletes from various sports, backgrounds, and types, experience great distress during sport retirement – often resulting in depression, anxiety, role confusion, and poor future planning.  In order to cope with this distress, many athletes turn to drug and alcohol abuse, aggression, and reckless behaviors (like gambling).

The message I am sending today is designed to promote more action in the ways of better educating sports families about the athletic identity, and how kids often develop an exclusive athletic identity that hinders them when they end their careers in sports.  With so many kids now specializing in one sport and playing it nearly year-round, it becomes easy to see how athletes develop their self-worth around “athlete.”  Their social identities (or how others view them), are also constructed around the athletic identity, too (like when we immediately ask about the game before anything else).  None of this is “bad” necessarily, but it all leads to the fact that most kids never play beyond high school (only about 5% do), making the sport retirement transition usually an abrupt and unplanned one. Without better educational efforts, families will continue to struggle when their kids (who are often just teenagers without great coping skills due to their youth) experience distress during this period — making it that much more important that we make things better.

Help is Here!

One approach that we have developed is Sport Success 360, a licensed educational system designed to help schools and youth sport leagues by providing key psychosocial information, tips, and strategies designed to help kids have a safe, fun, and meaningful athletic experience.  I encourage you to learn more about Sport Success 360 by watching this introductory video — Sport Success 360 includes a broad range of topics (including sport retirement), complimentary videos, and free downloads of Sport Success 360 and Sport Success 360 PLUS audio program.

If you are reading this blog, then it can be assumed you have an interest in youth and interscholastic sports (probably as either a parent, athlete, or coach).  While you may not be a decision-maker in your school or youth league, you can help raise awareness by mentioning Sport Success 360, or other great sport education programs out there that can help kids not only better prepare for sport retirement, but also learn about key psychosocial issues like the dangers of performance enhancing supplements, youth sport burnout, hazing, and many more issues.  In all likelihood you have also experienced more traditional issues, like playing time, cuts, sportsmanship, tough coaches (or parents), and travel leagues – Sport Success 360 covers those topics, too.

Education Helps On and Off the Field

Mental toughness is needed on the field, but it’s not limited to just wins and losses — we need to help families learn the culture of sports today, and successful strategies to help kids cope with the pressures they commonly experience in sports.  Just as important as the X’s and O’s are, we need to help kids with performance anxiety, as well as the resiliency needed to bounce back from adversity.  Ironically, these are really life skills and not limited to sports, making these kinds of sport education efforts that much more vital.

Better and more prevalent education does not imply that sports are bad, or that all kids who play sports have terrible experiences — far from it.  Instead, we need to realize that the days of a handful of casual summer games played on the local sandlot are long gone — replaced by high-level, intense, pressure-filled travel league sports schedules for kids who sometimes struggle to keep up.  Of course, these are not bad kids, either – they are just that, kids, vulnerable to kid mistakes when trying to deal with pressure.

Helping Kids – Even the Ones that Don’t Speak Up

Kids don’t always speak up when they feel pressure – be it from their parents or team expectations.  In some cases kids have a talent for a specific sport, but don’t love playing the sport — yet still refrain from speaking out because the see the time, money, and energy being invested in their athletic career.  Some kids have a lot of trouble multi-tasking other activities – like school and social activities — while others have difficulty dealing with resiliency that sometimes manifests into unsportsmanlike behavior and/or uncontrolled aggression.

When we view youth sports through the lens of it being an often intense, complex, and radically different experience than generations of the past, it helps us better frame the educational approach to youth sports as being one of “keeping up with the times” than one that needs to be done because of “problems.”  Introducing new and more advanced ways of delivering contemporary sport education is not an admission that an athletic department or youth league has gone out of control, but instead an example of sports leaders making important budgetary decisions that go beyond the traditional basics.  Of course, finding new revenue streams is never easy, but when issues become important enough people become resourceful – this is often referred to as a “tipping point.”  Are we there yet?  I think so, and from my experiences with many sports people, it sounds like there is increasingly more support to improve future efforts.  I personally believe this will happen, and I hope you do, too.

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Sport Success 360 is the premier sport education system, designed to improve the culture of your youth or interscholastic team/league!

Summer sports are just around the corner, and before you know it millions of kids across the country will be playing baseball, softball, soccer, and a host of other sports. Most youth sport leagues are run by volunteer coaches and administrators, and officiated by amateur referees who might be paid a nominal fee for their efforts.  Obviously your son or daughter is not playing professional sports, yet there should be a few minimal expectations you should have from the umpires, referees, and other officials that work your child’s games.

First, keep in mind that most youth sport officials do a really good job — they show up on time, work hard to be fair in their judgments, and attend to potentially dangerous situations in a timely manner.  Still, there are always going to be some officials who don’t do the job they are expected to do, resulting in a less-than-optimal experience for your child.  So what expectations should you have for officials this summer?  Below are a few quick thoughts to consider:

• Hustle. Sports officiating requires hustle, and officials know this going into the job.  Of course, you should be reasonable with your expectations (especially on those really hot summer days), but you should expect that officials are doing all that they can to make the right calls on the field.
• Wrong calls vs. bad calls. Wrong calls are made when an official doesn’t understand the rules of the game (which should not happen very often).  In these instances try and make your point to the official in a tactful way, and not in a manner designed to embarrass or humiliate the official.  Bad calls, however, happen more regularly — these are the types of judgements that happen in a moments notice and are sometimes missed by officials.  Try to be more tolerant in these instances, as even professional officials make mistakes (after all, we’re all human).
• Fairness. Good officials treat both teams the same – with dignity and respect.  You should not see the official going over to one team during a game and joking around and giving the impression of playing favorites – instead, good officials make it a point to stay objective and measured in the ways in which they interact and communicate with both teams competing.
• Responding to dangerous situations. Good officials will keep an eye out for potentially dangerous situations and immediately respond to injuries on the field when they occur.  Of course, you should not expect the official to provide medical attention to an injured player, but he/she should have an emergency protocol to follow (like knowing who to call) for when injuries occur.

Make sure to do your part this summer by showing respect to officials, and thanking them for all the hard work they do so that kids can have a safe, fun, and meaningful sports experience.  Also make sure to be patient and understanding for when bad calls are made (as they will be), and try to remember how difficult a job it is to be perfect with judgement calls (like calling balls and strikes in baseball and softball).  Sports officials don’t usually make much money for their hard work, and they are often under-appreciated — making it even that much more important to tell them “thanks” for all they do!

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Check out Advanced Human Performance Systems for high-performance products and information designed for student athletes, parents, and coaches!

Most youth sports coaches do a great job building strong relationships with kids, and inevitably help kids experience success on and off the field as a result of their efforts (Sport Success 360).  On the other hand, there are some coaches who do not have this type of positive experience, and instead struggle with building rapport with kids they coach.  When kids do not connect with their coach, they often play below their potential and run a greater risk for prematurely quitting the team/sport.  It is for these reasons that it is important for coaches to do a quick self-check on the following 5 no-no’s to ensure they are providing the best sport experience for the kids they coach.

• Forgetting the importance of FUN! Sport psychology studies clearly show that the #1 reason kids play sports is to have fun, and while at times this can be tough to remember in the heat of the battle, it’s important to try and create a sports environment that is both instructional and fun for kids.  Keeping it fun also means coming to the field with a good positive attitude, using a lot of positive reinforcement, and steering clear of using profanity and off-color remarks.
• No pre-season meeting. Successful coaches prioritize having a pre-season meeting where they discuss team rules, protocols, and methods for communication.  Unfortunately, not all coaches realize the importance of having a well planned pre-season meeting and decide to not have one.  When this occurs, families are left confused about the coach’s policies, philosophies, and playing time — usually resulting in frustration and confusion throughout the season.
• No talent evaluation system. Successful coaches develop their own talent evaluation rubric and make it clear to their team what skills are evaluated when it comes to playing time.  Kids benefit from this approach by knowing what they need to do in order to earn more playing time.  On the other hand, when coaches do not discuss how playing time is decided it almost always leads to confusion, stress, team problems, and sometimes angry parents.  While it is true playing time will always be a point of contention between some parents and the coach, these problems can be dramatically minimized by having a talent evaluation system established for the team.
• Playing favorites. While it may be impossible to treat all kids fair all of the time, it is possible to create team rules and enforce the rules when kids do not comply — even if they are star players.  Oftentimes coaches “lose their team” when they begin making special provisions for star players, leading to poor team chemistry and cohesion.
• Embarrassing kids. While coaching styles will vary as people vary, it is never a good idea to embarrass or humiliate kids.  Good coaches know that while it may take more restraint and control to respond to emotionally-charging situations without going nuts, it is always better to find ways to make “teachable moments” out of problems than it is to chew a kid out in front of his peers.  Kids don’t improve their mental toughness by being humiliated, but do become more resilient through positive reinforcement, proper instruction, and genuine encouragement.

Continue to develop into the best coach possible – Sport Success 360 is designed to help coaches develop strong relationships with kids, work more effectively with parents, and win more games!

www.drstankovich.com

Working in sports, I often hear stories about “out of control” sports parents — in fact, I have even seen a few as clients over the years (The Parents Playbook).  Usually what I hear are stories about parents yelling obscenities from the stands, with the occasional push/shove incident that (thankfully) ends quickly and before any physical harm occurs. Bad stories, yes; but they hardly compare to the attack that took place in Massachusetts last Friday — a melee so violent it left behind beat up coach with a chunk of his ear bitten off. Timothy Lee Forbes has been charged with beating up the winning coach, and biting part of his ear off — all this over a game.

Unfortunately this is not the worst story I have ever heard – the tragic “hockey dad fight” that resulted in a man being killed over a youth hockey game in 2000 is my watershed moment for when sports hit rock-bottom.   I remember thinking back then about what youth sports were becoming, and the fears I had that a new threshold had been established pertaining to sports anger. Since then, aggression at youth sporting events has become so normalized that we hardly react to many of the ugly stories we hear.

When I played youth sports in the 1970′s and 80′s, the worst thing I ever witnessed was an occasional rude remark from the crowd (generally over an obvious blown call by the referee), or a momentarily angry coach who might grumble a profanity under his breath. I never saw a fight, and I can’t remember even seeing an argument that looked like it might turn into a fight.  Sports were fun and people seemed to “get it,” as evidenced by their appropriate fan etiquette.

Sadly, it seems we have become desensitized to youth sport aggression these days.  Similar to how school shootings rarely make the front page of the news, neither does the violence in youth sports that results in serious injury, and sometimes even death.

Sport psychologists often help athletes with developing mental toughness, but perhaps the bigger task is to recalibrate the climate at youth sports so that violence will not be tolerated by administrators, coaches, parents, or players.  The recent fight that occurred in Springfield should serve as a reminder of how far out of whack things have gotten over the years, and inspire us to prevent aggression and violence at youth sports games in the future.

Help create a positive and safe culture in your league with Sport Success 360!

www.drstankovich.com

Are there “politics” in sports? 

ABSOLUTELY!

But aren’t there “politics” in almost every aspect of life, too?  What I mean is that anytime you have people left to make subjective opinions and appraisals you are going to inevitably have others who don’t agree with them.  This may not be “fair,” but I’m not so sure that it is even possible to be fair to all the people, all the time.

In my view, there are actually two types of “politics,” and I break down my thoughts on each below:

A.) Normal Politics: This is the kind of bantering I hear from some parents who feel their kid is better than the kid starting ahead of him.  This is normal, and expected, and really only shows that a difference of opinion regarding athletic abilities exists between the parent and the coach.  In my mind this really isn’t even “politics” as it’s more of a case of a coach simply using his or her best judgement evaluating talent, but we’ll leave it as a form of politics for now.

B.) Unfair Politics: This type of politics occurs when a coach has clearly treated a child unfairly, and is more a question around morals and integrity than it is a case of a coach simply making a judgment call.  For example, if several kids on a team were suspended from school earlier in the day for the same violation, and then in the game later that evening one of the student athletes was allowed to play while the others weren’t, this would certainly not be anywhere close to being fair. Another example of unfair politics might be a coach continuing to play a known ineligible player — again, this is a very different example from a coach who makes talent evaluations that you don’t always understand (or like).

Neither type of politics are easy for parents, but I would urge you to distinguish the differences between the two.  Keep in mind that if you are upset because the coach made a different decision about your kid starting than what you would have made that’s OK, but even if he would have selected your kid then another parent would be feeling exactly how you did!  In other words, coaches really can’t win in those situations.

On the other hand, when coaches blatantly abuse the trust and fairness that should be in place with the team and create new and special rules for some kids, then you may have a situation that warrants a higher degree of involvement (possibly from an Athletic Director or League Operator).  The idea here is not to make the situation worse, but to protect the integrity of the program if a coach is clearly abusing the responsibilities he or she has with coaching.  The good news is that the type of politics most parents complain about, ironically, has to do with judgement calls around talent and not direct and intentional decisions that treat kids unfairly.

The “politics” in sports are really no different than the politics we see in many other areas of life, including job promotions, voted award winners, and students selected to colleges.  In life, it’s sometimes difficult to acquire objective, measurable criteria needed to make fair decisions, leaving us to make decisions with the information that is made available.  In some cases this information is incomplete, so making “perfect” decisions is really nearly impossible when you think about it.

While sports politics are tough to deal with at times, these situations can also be great teaching tools to use with kids.  Teach your child about how politics are a part of life, and that the true test is developing resiliency and coping skills to weather the tough times.  When kids keep their heads up and their spirits high, they will be more ready for that next opportunity in life where they might become the benefactor of a “political” decision that goes their way!

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Parents always want the best for their kids involved in sports, especially when it comes to playing time and the ways their child is used within the team structure.  So it goes without saying that there will always be some degree of dispute between what parents think the coach should do, and what the coach decides to do based on his or her coaching evaluations.  In most cases, upset parents keep their opinions to themselves – but sadly, this is not always the case, as evidenced by a breaking story about a high school basketball team in Michigan.

Regarding this latest story where head coach Wayne Gigante stepped down from his high school coaching position, it’s impossible for us to know all the reasons that led to his decision.  Maybe the parents were out of line, maybe his coaching style had inherent problems, or maybe it was simply a bad combination of both.  Regardless, there has been a disturbing trend in American youth sports for many years now, one that illustrates the powerful influence some angry parents can have on a team — even to the extent of pushing coaches out.

Assuming Gigante didn’t do anything out of line and was simply trying to use his coaching judgements to get the most out of his players, it’s sad to see him leave because of parental interference.  Gigante seemingly reached his “tipping point,” where the enjoyment he got out of coaching kids eventually became outweighed by some parents who lost sight of the effort, dedication, and complexities involved in being a coach.  As we all know, it’s a lot easier to “coach from the sidelines” than it is to actually be the one on the front line having to make the tough decisions.

Each year we see fewer adults want to go into coaching, as evidenced by the rapidly shrinking number of teachers who want to coach.  In just the last 20 years alone, we have seen a dramatic spike in the number of non-teacher coaches (over 70% of high school coaches today), prompted by the fact that schools in America simply cannot find teachers in the building who find the job of coaching worthwhile when considering all that comes with it.  Sadly, if more stories like the Michigan basketball story emerge in the future, there may be even fewer people (teacher-coaches and non-teacher coaches alike) interested in coaching.  This is a terrible concern for Athletic Directors nationwide, trust me.  With fewer adults interested in coaching, more schools will be forced to consider the unthinkable – the possibility of cutting the athletic team altogether.

Unfortunately, too many parents today are unaware of this changing landscape and the reasons why fewer adults are going into coaching.  Instead, there seems to be a modern-day template for some parents that presumes some kind of “ownership” over the team and the decisions that the coach makes.  The pressure from parents can be overt in nature (i.e. yelling obscenities from the stands), or covert (i.e. creating some behind-the-scenes backlash against the coach).  In either case, it creates a toxic coaching environment.

It’s unfortunate when good coaches are pushed out because of uninformed and/or irresponsible parents, but it’s also becoming more of the norm.  Interscholastic coaches don’t make much money coaching — they go into coaching for the love of the job.  Sadly, when the “fun” element gets removed (like in Michigan high school story), many good people decide to walk away as a result.  Why would a coach making very little money and devoting enormous amounts of time and energy into coaching continue to stay around when the parents involved are doing everything to make his life miserable? Perhaps it’s for this reason that we all need to take a step back and appreciate all that goes into coaching, rather than try and run coaches out of town who don’t coach the way we would like them to with our kid.

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If you have a son or daughter involved in youth sports, odds are you will probably be asked at some point about your level of interest in possibly becoming a head or assistant coach of your kid’s team.  For most parents, this question catches them off-guard, as they don’t often think about their child’s involvement in youth sports possibly including their role as the coach.  Unfortunately, there always seems to be a shortage of youth sport coaches, hence the reason for the likeliness of this future request (Sport Success 360).

So there you are, possibly going from the “parent in the stands” with all the answers to now being the coach — the person who is supposed to have all the answers (of course, it’s always easier to coach from the stands, right?!).  How do you lead kids with athletic skill development, physical fitness training, and mental toughness development?  Where’s the professional coaching help, athletic trainer, and sport psychologist when you need them?!

For those of you brave enough to take on the role of coach (and I hope many of you will), there are some things you may want to consider before you get started:

• Be objective. This is especially true when you have your child on the team.  For some parents, they are seemingly easier on their child and favor him or her more, while others parents actually become even tougher on their own child.  Being objective also means putting aside those great parent relationships you previously had in the stands and instead making talent evaluations based on the actual athletic abilities of the kids on the team.  While this may not sound too difficult, oftentimes it is — especially if you have become good friends with certain parents on the team whose kids aren’t the most talented.
• Prepare for the transition. While it might seem funny to think about the transition of going from “just another parent in the stands” to becoming the coach, most parents find this to be a lot more challenging than they originally thought.  Even in youth sports things can get real serious in a hurry, and the truth is some coaches get scapegoated as being “the bad guy” when they don’t start or play a kid in a game.  Prior to becoming a coach, it’s easy to sit back and second-guess the coach — but this all changes as soon as it’s you on the sideline making the calls.
• Prepare for the time commitment. One mistake parents often make when evaluating the coach is the amount of time and effort that goes into coaching (meaning they often overlook the demands).  Running practices, preparing for games, helping with fund raising, and communicating with parents are just a few examples that quickly reveal how demanding the job can be — and this is on top of being a parent and having a full-time job!
• Teaching skills – Many parents go into coaching because of need, meaning that the parent may not have experience in the sport that they are asked to coach.  What this means is that you may need to do your homework first and learn the skills necessary to help the kids on your team succeed (meaning even more of a time commitment).
• Make the experience fun. Studies consistently show that the #1 reason kids play sports is to have fun.  Unfortunately, with all the duties coaches are responsible for it can become very challenging to keep it fun at all times.  In fact, some parents who go into coaching quickly find out that not only is the job of being a coach tougher than expected, it can also lead to burnout if a healthy and balanced lifestyle is not kept in place.

While being a coach is not always an easy endeavor, it can be a very fun and meaningful one – for both the coach, as well as all the kids on the team.  Like everything else, being prepared and keeping a good, positive attitude can really help ward off the stress that comes with coaching.

For more information on athletic performance enhancement products, including programming for coaches, be sure to check out the Advanced Human Performance Systems website!

www.drstankovich.com

Being a youth or interscholastic coach can be an awesome experience filled with countless exciting life experiences, including building healthy relationship with kids, pursuing team championships, and coming together as a team when faced with stress, adversity, and dealing with losses (Sport Success 360).  Unfortunately, for some coaches, the experience quickly becomes overwhelming as they become an unfortunate victim to things like their own perfectionism and control, inability to work with kids, and unwillingness to build relationships with parents.

Coaching, like most things in life, is really what you make of it. Successful coaches have realistic personal expectations and team goals, and make sure to prioritize their own health and family before their role as a coach. Of course, there’s more to it than just those simple reminders, including a few more ideas to consider below:

• Make downtime a priority. Today, even youth and interscholastic coaches are at-risk for burnout as it is becoming commonplace to see these coaches put in unbelievable amounts of time into their coaching.  Similar to college and pro coaches, amateur coaches sometimes go too hard for too long, resulting in a host of physical, emotional, and social problems.  Consequently, it is vitally important to keep a schedule that allows you to take breaks and get away when needed.  Sure, this may not be easy to do, but if you don’t do it not only will coaching soon become a lot less fun, but your team will also likely suffer as a result.
• Keep up with training. There are so many changes in youth sports today and many leading sport psychologists, sport educators, and sports medicine personnel have developed important educational training to help meet these needs.  While some leagues and states require specific training, it is important to consider going above the minimum in order to stay abreast of emerging trends – like sports burnout.  Unfortunately, some coaches only do the minimum when it comes to training, and view anything above that as “punitive” rather than educational.
• Teach kids about athletic transferable skills. I talk about these skills a lot, and that’s because they are the essence of the youth sport experience!  Be sure the kids you coach do not minimize the value of the skills they learn in sports, nor falsely assume that all kids have learned the same skills.  Be sure to talk regularly about how things like mental toughness, confidence, discipline, and resiliency are not only skills for sport success, but also life success.
• Involve parents. Quite often the #1 complaint I hear from coaches is “parents.”  The main reason coaches feel this way has to do with how parents feel their child should be used compared to how the coach is actually using the child.  The disconnect seems to exist on every youth and interscholastic sports team to some extent, making it an issue coaches need to be proactive with when deciding upon their personal philosophy.  Successful coaches often have pre-season meetings to kick off the start of the season, and talk about their coaching philosophy and how parents can be a positive and active part of the team.  Some coaches even set up ways for parents to ask constructive questions about their child and how he/she can improve, and possibly even earn more playing time in the future.  Regardless of how you develop your philosophy, one thing is certain — when parents feel disconnected and under-appreciated, they often let their feelings be known, which can in turn make for a very long season.
• Emphasize the positives!!!! High fives, emphatic praise, and a general positive attitude can go a long, long way when it comes to sports.  Choose your daily attitude and be sure to “catch” kids doing things right, especially when they give great effort (even if the results aren’t always great).

For more information about youth and interscholastic coaching success, check out Sport Success 360 or visit Advanced Human Performance Systems today!

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