The Sports Doc Chalk Talk

I have been involved with many discussions this week around Ron Artest, and the overall big picture of sports aggression.  As I wrote about earlier this week, it’s not the emotion that gets players in trouble, but how they manifest their energy.  When players allow their emotions to take the form of negative actions (like hitting another player), bad things happen.  On the other hand, when athletes learn how to more effectively channel their emotions into positive and facilitative actions, good things almost always follow.

www.drstankovich.com

Learn more about mental toughness and how it can help athletes improve their focus, concentration, motivation, and resiliency – check out Mind of Steel today!

With the NFL Bounty-Gate in the news, it prompted me to think about sports aggression and the differences between healthy, competitive hitting versus violent and illegal physical play.  The New Orleans Saints organization is paying a big price (especially head coach Sean Payton) for the bounties that were set by previous defensive coordinator Gregg Williams, yet some are arguing that the hits would have been just the same regardless whether they were done to receive bounty money or not.  After all, this is the NFL and aggression comes part and parcel with football, right?  Actually, sport psychologists identify two types of sports aggression, presenting an entirely different view of what may have happened in New Orleans.

For sports parents, this is a great opportunity to teach kids about how violence and aggression play into sports, including the differences between healthy and unhealthy aggression.  The two types of aggression commonly seen in sports, instrumental and hostile, are broken down in more detail below:

Instrumental Aggression

This type of legal aggression occurs in sports when an athlete is in pursuit of winning and playing within the competitive spirit of the game. The aggression, in actuality, is needed and used in order to make plays, stop the opponent, and ultimately win games.  This type of aggression is not designed to hurt players, or purposely knock opponents out of the game to make it easier to win. One way to think of this instrumental aggression is to think of the aggression as helpful, and not intentionally harmful.

Some examples of instrumental aggression would include a hockey player checking another player in order to get to a loose puck, a basketball player using his body to position for a rebound, or a baseball pitcher pitching inside to gain better control of the plate.

Hostile Aggression

This type of aggression differs from instrumental aggression in that the sole intention of hostile aggression is to hurt another player.  In these instances, the aggression is not directed at scoring points or tackling a player, but instead purposely designed to physically hurt another player. When you see a cheap shot in sports, most likely it’s an example of hostile aggression.  In  New Orleans, the aggression could be called hostile aggression as bounties are designed exclusively to “knock guys out.”

Helping Your Child Understand Sports Aggression

So how does your child stack up?  If she plays hard and within the rules of the game, then she is likely displaying instrumental aggression.  On the other hand, if your kid engages in aggression that clearly is designed to hurt another player, it’s likely he is using hostile aggression.  Of course, there are fine lines between these types of aggression, and the distinctions get even more blurred when you factor in the intimidation factor that plays in to many sports (like when a pitcher hits a batter intentionally to gain back the plate, opposed to simply “pitching inside”).  Still, most types of hostile aggression are easy to identify and usually result in penalties and suspensions when they occur.

In all likelihood, NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell probably factored in the type of aggression displayed when he made his final decision with the New Orleans Saints.  In his mind, he saw the aggression as purposeful and designed to hurt players (and possibly end careers) — and how that type of aggression steers away from the competitive spirit of football.

Talk to your kids about the different types of aggression in sports, and reinforce instrumental aggression while calling out harmful and unhealthy hostile aggression.

www.drstankovich.com

While it is true that a small percentage of parents today view the youth sports experience as a training grounds for a future college athletic scholarship (and possibly a professional sport opportunity), most parents are more grounded with their thinking and set more realistic goals for their kids (The Parents Playbook).  For these parents, the ultimate goal is to simply have a positive experience with youth sports, one that will help their children grow in healthy physical and emotional ways.  If a college scholarship is eventually awarded to their child, it’s viewed as a “bonus,” and not the final destination after years of competing in youth sports.  This, of course, is a very healthy way to approach the youth sport experience, and one that offers the best chance for the child to learn important life lessons as a result.

In order for a family to fully experience all the potential benefits that youth sports provide, I am providing a short list of important learning points to focus on throughout your child’s athletic career so that she will not only play to her highest potential on the field, but also use the sport experience to maximize her overall human development as well:

• Process Goals – Most parents encourage their child to play hard enough to one day become the best kid on the team (or league).  There’s nothing wrong with this encouragement, of course, but keep in mind that all outcome goals (like becoming an All Star or team MVP) always begin with process goals. When thinking about process goals, keep in mind these are the types of goals that are fully under the control of the athlete (like maintaining a strength training program, running, mastering plays, etc.).  Outcome goals are not completely under the control of the athlete, especially if the goal is to win an award thats voted on by the coaching staff or league.
• Focus - Parents can help their children with focus at very young ages by teaching the basics — like learning how to pay attention to relevant cues (i.e. the next pitch) while ignoring irrelevant cues (i.e. the people in the crowd).  The skill of focus is an important one, and can also be transferred to many other areas in life — including the classroom.
• Resiliency – The old saying of “It’s not how many times you get knocked down, but how many times you get up” may be one of the greatest lessons that can be learned through sports.  Resiliency, or mental toughness, is a terrific skill to help your child master as there are countless sport experiences that involve stress, frustration, adversity, and losing.   Resiliency also helps with motivation — another great life success skill!
• Humility – Winning with grace and keeping the ego in check are skills parents can teach their kids through various successful sport experiences.  Humiliating, taunting, and embarrassing opponents are never good things – on or off the field.
• Sportsmanship – Similarly to winning with grace, kids can also learn to be good sports during those tough times as well – like after a humiliating loss, or after experiencing a blown call by a referee.  Sports, like life, aren’t always “fair,” but what’s most important is to respect the rules and opponent at all times – even when spirits are down.

Sport psychology studies have revealed countless life lessons that can be learned through youth sports, but the five skills presented here are at the top of my list.  Conduct your own family audit and see how your gang stacks up — are you fully capitalizing on the youth sport experience, or missing out on some of the big take-aways for your son or daughter?

If you want to help your child get the most out of his or her sport experience but feel you could use some help in accomplishing this task, check out Sport Success 360 and begin setting your family sports goals today!

www.drstankovich.com

As the end of 2011 nears we have witnessed some of the worst college sports stories heard in recent years – from the Penn State and Syracuse sex scandals to the less horrific, yet still terribly unfortunate, stories that unfolded at Miami, Ohio State, and other colleges.  In all of these examples, crimes to some degree were committed (from child molestation to breaking NCAA rules and/or laws), and in each case the universities responded in their own unique ways to the allegations.  Of course, looking back now is like playing “Monday morning quarterback,” but it’s still worthwhile to do so if we want to handle future troubling issues in better and more effective ways (AHPS).

It appears that in most cases the immediate response by these universities has been to either deny, spin, or deflect.  Of course, that’s understandable – especially when taking into consideration the tremendous value of some of these “brands.”  It goes without saying that negative public image can (and often does) correlate with many important factors, including alumni gifts, future student enrollment, and apparel sales (to name a few).  On the other hand, the denial response – while having great potential upside – also brings with it the increased risk for the drip-drip-drip negative and scandalous review by the NCAA, the media, and fans.  Of course, none of this is unique to athletics, as we have seen politicians and others take the same “nothing to look at here” approach to allegations that have later been proven true.

The short-term gain in deflecting stories and/or getting rid of a sacrificial lamb may appear to work, but in the end more often than not the foundational problems still remain (i.e. the casual athletic culture).  So while the “nothing to see here” response may seem attractive at first, it actually behooves college administrators to take a more in-depth and measured view of the totality of the problem and overall tone of the athletic department culture.  Yes, this is certainly a more riskier PR move than telling people everything is fine, but this approach is more responsible and far better in the long-term (especially in these days of data left behind in email and text messages, sure to be exposed by somebody eventually).

Human beings make mistakes regularly — we have all said or done things we wish we could take back or do differently if given another chance. My article here today is not about being perfect, nor is it designed to come off as some righteous way of living.  No, my goal is to simply remind people who run colleges about the importance of damage control – especially as it applies to handling tough situations respectfully, professionally, and thoroughly

If any college adminstrators are listening, here are a few tips to consider:

• When a negative story breaks, the first move should not be anything that sounds like “nothing to see here.”  Of course, this does not mean to immediately assume all guilt, either.  The best and most responsible answer is to simply state the issues are being taken very serious and that a university response will be forthcoming.
• Check out the allegations and see if they are true.  If you learn rules/laws have been broken, take some time to look through the eyes of the victim, or if it is an institutional charge that impacts competitive fairness, try to see how the problems at your school could impact the overall interest and success of the game.
• Admit when you are wrong.  Yes, this is very difficult for people to do, but when people take ownership of a problem and a sincere apology given, most people are very quick to forgive and forget.
• Take appropriate measures to correct/fix the problem – which may include removing people with big names and reputations.  Again, this may not be easy to do, but in some cases it is warranted in order to truly remedy a situation.
• Go above and beyond to help the victims, or to make right whatever systemic problems that may have negatively impacted others.  Show that you are serious, and not just sorry that you got caught.
• Think about the overall welfare of your institution, not just the athletic department.  While sports are certainly a big part of the overall college experience for most students, it will be the perceived value of their degrees that help them the most in the future — not the wins and losses of the football team.

Damage control is not the most favorite or easiest part of a college administrator’s job, but it is becoming an extremely important part of it.  In this day and age of electronic messages and pictures, empirical data seems to be around every corner when it comes to covering up or denying rule and law breaking.  It is for these reasons, along with it simply being the right thing to do, that college administrators work diligently to do a better job of responding to crises in the future than some have done in 2011.

www.drstankovich.com

No child should ever have to endure through the emotional pain that the sexual victims of Jerry Sandusky or Bernie Fine went through, yet the reality is that thousands of kids in the United States each year are put into compromising sexual positions by coaches and other adults involved in youth and interscholastic sports.  I know, as I have personally worked with countless families, school districts, and youth leagues that have had to respond to such allegations.  I also know that we have lagged terribly behind when it comes to providing appropriate training and oversight for coaches so that we can better protect children who sign up to play sports, not be forced to guard molesters from stealing their innocence.

To see how safe your child is and to quickly gauge how well your child’s youth sport league or school team is doing to protect kids from pedophiles, please take a moment to answer the following questions:

1.) Does your child’s youth league or school require a criminal background check for every coach that is hired?  While it is true that more leagues and schools are doing this today, please note one very important related detail pertaining to background checks: If the perpetrator has never been caught before, he or she will easily make it past this threshold. What this means is that background checks are certainly important, but if you are relying on them to effectively weed out pedophiles you may have an over-inflated sense of their worth.  Case in point – both Jerry Sandusky from PSU and Bernie Fine from Syracuse abused boys for over 20 years each, yet only in the last few months were they arrested.

If your child’s youth sports league or school does NOT have a mandatory criminal background check add 1 point to your score.

2.) Does your child’s Athletic Director or League Operator require ongoing professional training and development that includes training in psychosocial issues (i.e. appropriate boundaries, burnout, performance supplement abuse, etc.)?  Most schools and leagues only require a minimal level of first aid training, unfortunately, leaving countless coaches nationwide with zero training in the interpersonal aspects of coaching kids.  If your school or league is not teaching coaches about interpersonal issues, like hazing, it’s much more likely your child will eventually experience a problem that likely could have been prevented with just a minimal amount of psychosocial training.

If your child’s youth sports league or school does NOT have a mandatory professional training and development that includes training in psychosocial issues, add 1 point to your score.

3.) School Sports ONLY – Does your child’s school coaching staff comprise of at least 50% teacher-coaches? Most parents are surprised to learn that in most schools across America today over 70% of the coaches in the school are non-teacher coaches. What this means is that unlike the coach prototype found in schools just a generation ago, most coaches in schools today come from the community at-large, and while they might know the X’s and O’s of the sport they coach, it’s very likely that they have never had any formal training to work closely with kids.  Teacher-coaches, on the other hand, have earned a college degree, been trained to work with kids, and are required to keep up with professional development to maintain their teaching license.   Of course, this does not mean teacher-coaches are better, nor does it mean that they never cross the line with kids — but it does illustrate how important it is to know who is coaching your child and what training he or she has attained.

If your child’s school does NOT have at least 50% of it’s coaching staff also employed as teachers, add 1 point to your score.

4.) Has your youth sports league or school athletic department had previous issues in the last 10 years with pedophiles, sexual predators, or sexual molesters? In today’s technology-driven world, it’s not uncommon for pedophiles to share information in chat rooms and other private forums online, and leagues and schools that are easier to prey upon will often see a greater number of these folks look into trying to coach in the school or league. 

If your child’s youth sports league or school has had at least one sexual molestation charge in the last ten years, add 1 point to your score.

5.) Is your youth sports league or school athletic department currently using Sport Success 360? Unlike other coach training courses, Sport Success 360 is the only training course in the world that includes dedicated training devoted to helping coaches create safe and healthy boundaries between them and the kids that they coach. Sport Success 360 includes many additional psychosocial training components and is designed to help train coaches to in turn help kids have the best, safest, and most enriching sport experience they can possibly have!

Subtract your points if your child is benefiting from Sport Success 360 in his youth league or school.

What your score means:

0 points: Your child’s sports league or school is doing an outstanding job of preparing its coaches to safely and effectively mentor kids.  While it is still true that problems can occur, the odds are reduced dramatically by the measures your league or school has put in place.

1-2 points: Your child’s sports league or school is in great need of delivering timely, appropriate, professional training to its coaches, especially as it pertains to appropriate boundaries between coaches and kids.

3-4 points: Your child is participating in a very high-risk youth sports league or school athletic department.  Check with your league operator or athletic director immediately about future plans for contemporary psychosocial training.

Sport Success 360 is the premier training course when it comes to helping coaches with the many unique issues they face in youth sports today, including developing successful, safe, and meaningful relationships with kids.  Talk to your league operator, school athletic director (or other school administrators) about how you can implement Sport Success 360 today!
www.drstankovich.com

Being a youth or interscholastic coach can be an awesome experience filled with countless exciting life experiences, including building healthy relationship with kids, pursuing team championships, and coming together as a team when faced with stress, adversity, and dealing with losses (Sport Success 360).  Unfortunately, for some coaches, the experience quickly becomes overwhelming as they become an unfortunate victim to things like their own perfectionism and control, inability to work with kids, and unwillingness to build relationships with parents.

Coaching, like most things in life, is really what you make of it. Successful coaches have realistic personal expectations and team goals, and make sure to prioritize their own health and family before their role as a coach. Of course, there’s more to it than just those simple reminders, including a few more ideas to consider below:

• Make downtime a priority. Today, even youth and interscholastic coaches are at-risk for burnout as it is becoming commonplace to see these coaches put in unbelievable amounts of time into their coaching.  Similar to college and pro coaches, amateur coaches sometimes go too hard for too long, resulting in a host of physical, emotional, and social problems.  Consequently, it is vitally important to keep a schedule that allows you to take breaks and get away when needed.  Sure, this may not be easy to do, but if you don’t do it not only will coaching soon become a lot less fun, but your team will also likely suffer as a result.
• Keep up with training. There are so many changes in youth sports today and many leading sport psychologists, sport educators, and sports medicine personnel have developed important educational training to help meet these needs.  While some leagues and states require specific training, it is important to consider going above the minimum in order to stay abreast of emerging trends – like sports burnout.  Unfortunately, some coaches only do the minimum when it comes to training, and view anything above that as “punitive” rather than educational.
• Teach kids about athletic transferable skills. I talk about these skills a lot, and that’s because they are the essence of the youth sport experience!  Be sure the kids you coach do not minimize the value of the skills they learn in sports, nor falsely assume that all kids have learned the same skills.  Be sure to talk regularly about how things like mental toughness, confidence, discipline, and resiliency are not only skills for sport success, but also life success.
• Involve parents. Quite often the #1 complaint I hear from coaches is “parents.”  The main reason coaches feel this way has to do with how parents feel their child should be used compared to how the coach is actually using the child.  The disconnect seems to exist on every youth and interscholastic sports team to some extent, making it an issue coaches need to be proactive with when deciding upon their personal philosophy.  Successful coaches often have pre-season meetings to kick off the start of the season, and talk about their coaching philosophy and how parents can be a positive and active part of the team.  Some coaches even set up ways for parents to ask constructive questions about their child and how he/she can improve, and possibly even earn more playing time in the future.  Regardless of how you develop your philosophy, one thing is certain — when parents feel disconnected and under-appreciated, they often let their feelings be known, which can in turn make for a very long season.
• Emphasize the positives!!!! High fives, emphatic praise, and a general positive attitude can go a long, long way when it comes to sports.  Choose your daily attitude and be sure to “catch” kids doing things right, especially when they give great effort (even if the results aren’t always great).

For more information about youth and interscholastic coaching success, check out Sport Success 360 or visit Advanced Human Performance Systems today!

www.drstankovich.com

The following article is a piece I wrote for the National Federation of High Schools (NFHS) High School Today magazine in 2010:

When it comes to coaching kids, developing a delicate balance of being coach, teacher, and friend can be very challenging, to say the least.  In an ideal situation, successful coaches develop and maintain appropriate boundaries and guidelines within each role, leading to positive holistic development and growth for all student athletes on the team.  Successful coaches continuously develop a philosophy and personal style that enable them to do the following things: Instruct technical athletic skills, teach life skills from athletic experiences that can be applied to school and future careers, and occasionally even wear the hat of “friend” when student athletes need a place to turn in times of need.  Some coaches seem to naturally develop this healthy balance, while other coaches struggle wearing all three hats – and, in worst-case scenarios, step over the integrity line and abuse coach-student athlete boundaries.

Unfortunately, the issue of establishing and maintaining appropriate boundaries between coaches and student athletes is a growing concern in America today, as cases of inappropriate relationships involving alcohol, drugs, and sexual activity continue to increase annually.  The following are tips and insights that responsible coaches use to ensure their behaviors and relationships are appropriate.

• Responsible coaches always keep in mind the tremendous amount of trust that has been put on them.  In many instances, the role a coach plays in a young person’s life is almost as important as a parent (and in some instances the coach may even become a “pseudo-parent”).  The trust kids have in a coach is a very special thing, and the relationship coaches develop with kids can lead to either a prosperous, healthy personal growth experience through sport participation or a lifetime of painful memories due to short-sighted thinking and inappropriate and potentially illegal behaviors.
• Since most coaches operate autonomously (meaning they act on their own and are guided by their own thinking and behaviors), responsible coaches know that it is vitally important to police their own behaviors.  If something doesn’t feel right (i.e. going to a student athlete’s party, or exchanging messages discretely via email or text messaging), they stop the behavior and take time to think about the possible consequences of their actions.  Not only may the behavior be inappropriate, it may even be illegal; that’s why it is so important to think about their actions.
• The coach is always in an adversarial relationship with his or her student athletes, and also in a position of tremendous power.  Responsible coaches do not take this lightly.  Kids on the team will often do whatever the coach says they should do, even if they feel uncomfortable or know that what is being asked of them doesn’t feel right.  Sadly, some irresponsible coaches take advantage of this coercive dynamic and abuse the power of being a coach.  In these instances, many terrible things can occur, including the loss of employment as a coach, a child left with terrible emotional scarring, and possibly even incarceration if the activities are illegal.
• While the age of consent varies from state-to-state, responsible coaches know that one thing is certain: It is never appropriate to develop a sexual relationship with a student athlete (even if he/she is above the age of consent).  The reason for this is that the relationship coaches build with student athletes is predicated on trust, and the adult figure must always maintain that trust under all circumstances.  Good coaches realize that it is ultimately their responsibility, not the child’s, to ensure that an inappropriate relationship doesn’t develop.  Developing a dual-relationship (i.e. being the coach and also carrying on a sexual relationship with a student athlete) is never appropriate, and using the excuse that “the student athlete caused this to happen” is also unacceptable.
• A growing concern, and often an antecedent condition when it comes to inappropriate relationships between coaches and student athletes, is the use (and abuse) of internet social networking pages.  Responsible coaches know how to effectively create and monitor their social networking pages (i.e. MySpace, Facebook).  They only display appropriate pictures and content, and they exclude sexual innuendo, coarse language, and pictures that include sexual and/or drug and alcohol themes.  Good coaches regularly examine their pages to make sure the content is appropriate, and that it is suitable for student athletes who may visit their sites.
• Responsible coaches know that social networking pages often create depersonalized communication between people.  Emailing, instant messaging, and texting are examples of casual communication that can quickly become a “slippery slope” when it comes to inappropriate relationships developing.  Good coaches steer clear of communication that can be misinterpreted as emotional or sexually-oriented.  Avoiding this type of communication is another way responsible coaches avoid any inappropriate behavior.
• Responsible coaches discuss their communication style early and often with both parents and student athletes, making sure to convey how they prefer to communicate (i.e. email, phone, or in-person), as well as when they available to communicate.  They know that it is important to establish these guidelines so that fewer impromptu meetings occur – making inappropriate relationships less likely to occur as well.
• Responsible coaches are sure to always use appropriate language when working with kids.  They minimize the use of coarse, vulgar, and profane language, and they do not make comments that could be viewed as racist, sexist, or unfairly biased.  These coaches realize that unprofessional language can lead to loose, casual relationships developing, which can later lead to a deterioration of the coach-student athlete dynamic, often contributing to inappropriate coach-student athlete relationships.
• Responsible coaches meet with kids at appropriate times and places, steering away from questionable places (i.e. casually outside of school) and instead use more appropriate locations (i.e. a school office).  Additionally, they typically meet with kids while having other adults around, and keep the door of the office open whenever possible.  Obviously, meeting with student athletes in private places, especially late after school, is never a wise decision and should be avoided whenever possible.

When good coaches find themselves in awkward positions with student athletes, they know how important it is to think and act responsibly.  Remember, it is always the coach’s responsibility to act like an adult at all times and prevent inappropriate relationships from occurring.  The way coaches conduct themselves, their level of professionalism, and the examples they set for kids is very important and cannot be overstated.

For more information about building healthy and successful relationships with young athletes, check out Sport Success 360.

www.drstankovich.com

Sadly, in just the last month we have witnessed horrible child sex crimes surface at Penn State and Syracuse, finally directing much needed national attention toward a growing problem in our country today.  Yes, as much as we would like to not admit it, there are thousands of kids each year who compete in sports and fall prey to adult pedophiles who take advantage of the trust and rapport built through the coach-student athlete relationship.  While most of these cases go unreported by the victims (usually due to guilt, shame, and embarrassment), there are still more than enough stories out there that can be read about by doing a Google search.  I can also report that in my role as a clinician, I have witnessed firsthand the number of these cases emerge – prompting me to work with various state and national leaders in sports to help change laws and training requirements.

At Penn State, many staff and college personnel have lost their jobs, with more expected to go in the months ahead as Jerry Sandusky goes to court.  At Syracuse, Bernie Fine has been dismissed, and head coach Jim Boeheim may not be far behind after he blasted the victims and accused them of looking to capitalize financially, rather than stop for a moment to think they might really have been raped by his good friend and colleague.  Boeheim might be a great basketball coach, but he failed terribly in showing zero compassion and sympathy for the victims of Bernie Fine.

Even ESPN, the self-proclaimed “worldwide leader in sports,” is also feeling the heat today after reportedly sitting on potential evidence pertaining to the Syracuse sex scandal and not doing anything about it for eight years. Today, ESPN responded to the charges they face from the public for sitting idle. Regardless of the thin veil ESPN has in defending their actions because they are “journalists,” it does make you wonder how anyone could sit on this kind of information from a moral sense. If you heard a tape that included comments like Larry Fine’s wife’s did, wouldn’t you report it to the police??

When any of us come into information about a child sex crime we all need to report and support! In other words, we need to report the crime to authorities and support the victim for the courage it takes to talk about the crimes that were alleged to have occurred. Of course, this may not be easy to do — especially if you know the alleged perpetrator, but it is the right thing to do. Trust me, as a clinician I can tell you that child sex abuse is as scarring and damaging as anything a young person can ever experience, and it is for this reason that we all must do a better job in protecting kids from pedophiles.

Why these problems in sports are important to address

While we have made great strides in training youth and interscholastic coaches over the years, one area we still fall terribly behind in pertains to training coaches about appropriate boundaries.  Ironically, we have made tremendous progress teaching coaches about about nutrition, injury management, and concussions, but yet we still haven’t made the progress we need to when it comes to properly training youth and interscholastic coaches about appropriate, healthy, and safe boundaries.  The coach-athlete relationship is arguably the most dangerous relationship as it applies to sex abuse for a number of reasons:

• Most parents unconditionally trust coaches to be responsible with their kids.  Sadly, some pedophiles know this quite well, and as a result take advantage of how easily it is to become a coach today.  Of course, most coaches do a great job of working with kids and would never think of harming a child, but it is never advised to blindly trust anyone with your kids.
• Sports provide many unique places for inappropriate relationships to take place, including locker rooms, hotels, and after hours at schools waiting for parents to pick up kids after practice.
• The fraternal bonding often found in sports can sometimes go over the line unknowingly, as Jerry Sandusky’s comments about “horsing around in the shower” revealed to us.  Usually by the time a child is sexually molested, it happens as a result of slow and steady trust developed over time, which often includes “normalizing” inappropriate fraternal relationships
• Teacher-coaches, once comprising of almost all coaching jobs in schools, has now become a memory of the past.  Today’s roughly 75% (or more) of coaches in schools today are non-teacher coaches.  Due to the dearth of teacher-coaches available, increasingly more schools have had to reach out to their local community in order to find adults willing and interested in coaching.  As a result, in some cases, the hiring process happens very quickly out of the school’s desperate need for a coach, and often the newly hired coach does not have a background search completed, nor is he given proper training and mentoring.
• State and national standards are still lagging, as there are no formal continuing education requirements today that mandate coaches to better understand boundaries with kids, as well as warning signs and appropriate protocols for when a youngster bravely steps forward to report a crime.  This needs to change ASAP!

Last year we developed Sport Success 360 as a tool for schools and youth leagues to use to better prepare coaches with respect to psychosocial training in sports.  Some of the training modules are traditional (i.e. communicating effectively with parents), while others are more contemporary (i.e. dealing with youth sports burnout).  We also developed a module to address inappropriate boundaries, offering coaches, parents, and student athletes keen insights and tips to help prevent, respond, and report issues when they occur. I urge you to learn more about Sport Success 360, and especially the training offered around boundaries, as we can see this issue is certainly one that we can no longer ignore or overlook.

www.drstankovich.com

An ugly parent baseball-brawl happened earlier this week, resulting in several adult parents getting into fisticuffs over a kids Little League game.  Unfortunately, adult fights at youth sporting events are no longer headline news these days, as it has been over ten years now since arguably the most alarming and devastating story took place – the hockey dad fight.

On July 5, 2000, Thomas Junta and Michael Costin engaged in a tussle that eventually left Costin dead, and sent Junta off to prison for 10 years.  At the time the story made the national news, as people were left horrified that a man had lost his life over a youth hockey argument.  Indeed, this was a very sad watershed moment for youth sports.

Unfortunately, this was not the first or last time adults engaged in physical violence while attending youth sporting events, and we continue to witness stories similar to the Colorado incident seemingly on a regular basis (AHPS).  Fortunately, not all adult disputes at games result in physical fights, but even the verbal tirades take away from the overall positive experience youth sports should be for kids.

Fighting has become normal

Whether we like it or not, stories of angry parents lashing out at youth games has become somewhat of a commonplace these days.  Similar to how school shootings were at the height of media attention during the Columbine massacre, fights at youth sports used to command great media attention but today barely make the front page.  We have become used to the fact that fights happen at games – and that guns are sometimes found in schools – and become desensitized to both (even if we don’t like it).

Think about it for a moment – how many times have you seen that “idiot parent” on the sidelines?  How many times have you personally witnessed a verbal barrage on the sidelines that you felt was going to lead to some kind of violence?  How many times have you actually witnessed some kind of physical altercation??

If you have been involved in youth sports for awhile I have no doubt you have seen more than you ever bargained for or expected.

Why parents act out

Of course there is no one single reason why some parents decide to verbally/physically assault another adult while attending youth sports, but there are several inter-related factors that contribute to the problems we are seeing.

• “In-the-moment” emotions.  Where else do you go from 0-100 on the emotion meter than at a youth sports event?  Even the calmest of parents quickly get excited (for better or for worse) when plays develop on the field.  The point is that people rarely stay calm, collected, and logical when watching sports, and emotions can go overboard sometimes – especially when the child plays poorly and/or another adult taunts, embarrasses, or belittles the child in front of the parent.  The result is often an exchange of words, which can lead to an escalation of physical violence.

• The time, money, and energy parents put into their child’s sports training.  Think about how many families today have invested thousands of dollars and enormous amounts of energy toward their child’s athletic experience.  With so much going into youth sports, it’s actually quite easy to see why some parents seemingly “lose it” when they witness their child fall far short of their expectations in games.  When emotions get out of control, parents are most at-risk for acting out of character (see the first point above).

• Leagues still lagging behind.  While it may surprise you to learn this, most youth/interscholastic sports leagues today still do not offer nor require any kind of formal sports training.  In some cases the decision to not require training boils down to money, in other cases it’s time, and in other situations its philosophical.  One program that has been designed to help leagues quickly attain the minimum level of life skills/contemporary issues in sports training is Sport Success 360.

• Parent violence is not addressed.  Most coaches have pre-season meetings with parents, yet many still do not overtly discuss the potential problems that exist when parents do not hold themselves accountable at games.  This “elephant in the room” must be identified and discussed if we really want to curtail violence seen at youth spots events.

For more information on how you can help your sports league check out Sport Success 360!

www.drstankovich.com

A lot has been made recently about Ohio State and their problems pertaining to responsible oversight and compliance toward NCAA rules.  Just last week Jim Tressel resigned, but the university still faces an NCAA hearing in August that will determine the sanctions they will face in the years to come.  While people will debate the severity of crimes and the appropriate penalties that should follow, it’s interesting to think about how the true victims of all of these violations must feel.  I’m talking about the other student athletes and coaches in the Big Ten who missed opportunities because Ohio State decided to ignore clear NCAA violations.

Last football season Michigan State ended up being the odd team out when the BCS games were decided (Ohio State and Wisconsin got the games, even though all three teams had identical records).  When fans think about the crimes at Ohio State, they tend to not think about the others outside of OSU that were impacted by what happened – ala MSU.

This is actually quite normal, as we usually think far more about the perpetrator than we do the victim when it comes to sports cheating.  Using another example, most sports fans don’t think too much about the baseball player who didn’t use steroids but came in second to the guy who did. Similar to the Ohio State situation, the focus tends to remain on what the “bad guy/team” did, as opposed to the individuals/teams that were clearly and directly negatively impacted by the wrongdoer.

In the case of Michigan State last year, had OSU not been able to use their star players, it’s quite likely Ohio State would have lost an additional game or two – providing MSU a much better chance at playing in a BCS game.  This scenario becomes even more real when you think of the seniors at MSU who lost their last opportunities and will never have another chance for a BCS game all because of the lack of appropriate oversight by Ohio State.

Problems happen in sports all the time, and athletes will always push boundaries (and rules/laws).  The problem, however, is when we completely ignore and dismiss that there are real people who feel the impact of rule-breakers — and that these incidents of cheating do not simply happen in a static condition.

In baseball, there are countless players who chose to not cheat and use steroids during the ‘90’s and ‘00’s, and as a result their statistical numbers pale in comparison to their cheating counterparts.  Breaking this down further, those who chose to play fairly probably put up lesser statistics, resulting in shorter and less lucrative contracts (after all, players values are based on player comparisons), and they are probably far less likely to ever be enshrined in the Hall of Fame, either.

There are victims when it comes to cheating, whether its sports or any aspect of life.  It is for this reason that we should think through all the ramifications before quickly dismissing an individual or institutions crimes or failures.

www.drstankovich.com